Tuesday Evening and the Upper Right Quadrant
It was Tuesday evening and something wasn’t right.
An aging body is a little like an old house. Windows get stuck in damp weather, the floor squeaks, and the railing is a bit wobbly. But, when you’ve lived in your old house for a while, you get used to the creaks and wobbles and it’s home. You don’t really pay attention unless the sound is new or something falls off.
It was a Tuesday evening when I found myself poking my abdomen wondering where my liver was and whether or not it felt inflamed. I was having a brand new and exciting stomach pain that I’d never had before. I knew what to do for all my regular pains, and had no idea what to do with this strange, new one. I wasn’t sure if I should worry. So to be on the safe side, I worried.
My basic cartoon-like knowledge of human anatomy is limited to a high school textbook diagram showing various brightly-colored and helpfully-labeled organs. Mr. Ruddle taught Human Anatomy and Physiology. He explained the difference between breathing and respiration, that people look better with their skin on, and that everyone needs to drink more water. Really, just about everything can be fixed with a glass of water.
My new and exciting pain starts high up under my ribs on the right side and wraps all the way around to my back. It hurts to take a deep breath. I can’t find a comfortable position on the couch and I don’t know what part of my body is malfunctioning right now. Maybe my creaking, aching old house is haunted. I worry some more.
What I should have done is relax and make a cup of tea. I didn’t.
What I should not have done is Google my symptoms. I did.
“abdominal pain with back pain”
Do you know your abdomen is divided into four quadrants? I picture the old board game of ‘Operation’ where players remove plastic organs from a cardboard cartoon patient. I check an image online and mentally quarter the cartoon patient with dotted lines. I am pretty sure that it’s my spare rib hurting right now. I don’t think I need to keep it, it’s a spare after all.
“pain upper right quadrant with back pain.”
In the game of ‘Operation’ if your tweezers touch the sides when removing an organ the light bulb nose flashes and the game makes a rude noise. I don’t remember if you lose the game then, or just a turn. I make a rude noise just on principle.
I should not have pressed the search button, again. I did, again.
WebMD has lots to say about “pain upper right quadrant with back pain”.
It turns out that there are many very, very important organs in the upper right quadrant. I begin to read about my up-coming operation, the loss of one or more internal organs, and my possible death. It also turns out that pain in the liver can sometimes be felt in the shoulder, go figure.
I continue reading about the liver (important), gall bladders and their stones (bad), kidneys and their stones (also bad), the pancreas and infections thereof (very bad). I wonder if it’s too soon to plan my funeral; maybe I should wait until after my operation. I hope my surgeon doesn’t touch the sides while removing my spare rib.
I think back to high school anatomy class and Mr. Ruddle striding back and forth across the front of the room with his assurances that we all need to drink more water.
I snap my laptop closed and fill a glass with water. I drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets; they sink to the bottom and rise again to the top, dissolving into bubbles. Watching them fizz is strangely relaxing; the pain and pressure ease a bit as the tablets shrink.
This is much more comforting than Dr. Google and the dire upper right quadrant warnings.
Too much knowledge is not a whole lot better than too little. Asking Dr. Google for a medical diagnosis is a little like asking the Mafia for financial advice. The answer is technically accurate, a little scary, and not helpful.
I drink the glass and refill it again with more water. I’m sure it’s just gas.
Thanks Mr. Ruddle.
